Has it been so long ago that I've actually been here or even typed a single thought? So much has changed since July o-eight. Nick is gone and so has the beatings and guilt. I still think of him and how much we were so alike and even then that didn't stop him from hitting me. He was my best friend. I took it because I knew he was my best friend. I guess you would have to be me to see that.

So I left and moved on..... Now, I'm in another struggle within myself. I did find a new love but that is failing because of issues I am having of trusting. He broke my heart and left me and then asked me back. I took him back but then felt bad that I basically had to beg him and him to turn me down and then him begging me back. Rollercoasterin' it and I'm getting sick. So now I'm in limbo. The should I stay should I go blues. And on top of it all my kidneys failed on me. Yup, for about a year now, my kidneys stopped working. But what pisses me off the most about it is the fact that my doctor had no inclination of ckd until I wound up in the hospital. The whole time he said I must have an infection of the bladder or a kidney stone. I'm still pissed even after a year. I guess being stuck on a machine for eight hours a night has something to do with it. Plus all the doctors and hosptial trips to Duke. I guess it could always be worse. Right? I mean I could be dead.